Tip-toeing back...

It's been crazy few months. I lost all sense of time and place with the routine everyday life - work, the economy, the family, etc etc.. so many things have happened in these few months that I've been away from blogger, and yet nothing seems to have changed.

For starters, I still have my job, which is a miracle in these days! I am still in New York, still single, still happy, still loving it! The winter's over (yayay!), and spring has surprisingly done nothing for me this year... hardly like the romantic waves of sunshine which enthralled me earlier.. maybe because I was on vacation in India for most part of spring. Or maybe I am getting older and used to this (No, its definitely the former).

Anyways, it was great to meet friends and close family this time during my brief trip to India... (its always nice to be told how much weight you've lost, for example!).. and it was good to come back and find that I was missed.. Good to be moving into a better apartment soon, and good to keep up with your yearly - what do they call those - promises? (Ah! I am rusty with words now!).. Anyways, my mission for this summer is - whitewater rafting, skydiving and visiting a new city/state/country.. and one of them has already been fulfilled! Yesterday I went for my first whitewater rafting trip, and apart from witnessing massive ego clashes and much spinning around due to multiple instructions being shouted by the 3 men aboard (whilst me and the other girl with me were paddling frantically to keep the raft going straight ahead!), it went very well! There shall be more to come on that for sure!

Anyways, thought I'd keep this post short.. just trying to tip-toe my way back into blogger world... lets see how it goes...

P.S I've started to lurk (ahem, I meant catch up) on a few of my fav blogs.. will tip-toe my way into commenting as well soon...

What makes you tick?

This question has been revolving in my head for some time now... What motivates us to achieve something? What drives us to push ourselves forward and get something we wanted? Do we all have that drive, or are just some of us unnecessarily chasing dreams and pushing ourselves too hard? Because when one dream is fulfilled, the human mind turns to fulfill another, almost never happy with the current state of things..

What is the reason why we want to change our present and look to another future? It's not necessarily unhappiness or dissatisfaction with the current state of affairs... people can be motivated and determined to 'do something' simply (or not so simply) as an ego boost, or if they felt that they had to prove something to others.. or it could be because of money... yes, I believe for many people money is a big motivation, although I personally know of only one person who desires money enough to have no life at all and work almost 20 hours a day! He does earn more than $500,000 and he's just 32, so I guess I don't blame him! But I don't know if I could ever do that...

Me, I'm a true Scorpio... power and position motivates me... I find it sexy. On a man and a woman. And I don't mean it in the way politicians and bureaucrats have it or use it, but as being the person in charge. That gives me a high. To be in control, that makes me want to do things. And credit. Aaah! Am such a sucker for being given the credit for the work I do. I feel instantly charged when someone gives me credit for the work I have accomplished, and feel highly deflated when I don't get recognized. This I believe is normal, atleast it should be!

But someone told me something yesterday, that jarred in my brain. It was their opinion of why I am so determined to achieve certain things in life, of why I push myself harder than I need to - and unfortunately - it was true. And it's been on my mind since that moment. And surprisingly, I don't feel guilty about it. I think I may have accepted some things about myself.

So what motivates you, if at all? Is it money? Is it a need to provide for your loved ones? Is it a need to fulfill what others expect of you, or atleast what you think they expect of you? Is it the desire to be looked up to or envied by others around you? Would you even feel happy if someone envied you?!

What makes you strive for something, whether it be for better or worse?

Chicken and egg story..

Do you think that it's true that the happier and more content human beings we are, the more people will flock around us and be drawn to us, or is the converse true - that the more people are attracted to us, the more happier and content we are?! It's like, did the chicken come first or the egg? It's like the following riddle:

"The statement below is true."


"The statement above is false."

I'd like to believe it's the first, but I think it's usually the second that applies..


On this happy note, let me ask another pertinent question - do you think people who keep pets, especially dogs and maybe cats, are emotionally unstable and lack love in their life from human beings and therefore seek it in animals who are mute and dependent on them?

I'd like to believe it's because of the sake of the pet itself that we keep them, but I think it's usually because we seek unconditional (or conditional, like in case of a cat) acceptance and companionship that we do....


And what will you do if you wanted to pursue your dream, but that would entail giving up a good opportunity at the present moment?

I'd like to believe I'd pursue my dream, but I think I'm risk-averse and would "settle" for a bird in hand rather than two in the bush... or just maybe I'll gather enough courage and believe in myself and God that my dream can come true...

Its' all worth it now!

You may have noticed that I've been very wary of driving in the snow here... Having read some horror stories about it and talking to people who give advice like "Drive your car into a block of ice if you think you're going to cause a major accident", I've been at my wits end on how to avoid driving on the icy roads! I also feel colder than most people, so I tend to freeze pretty fast, and that's just one more reason to stay home and work remotely instead of making the effort to actually go to office!

But, here's the interesting bit - I'm falling in love.

With snow. (Ummm, what did you think?!)

And its all worth it now.

You've just got to look out at the white expanse, pristine and pure (before people walk over it and it becomes brown!), and you'll fall in love with the beauty of it all. The trees look so pretty, each branch slightly drooping under the weight of the snow, the outstretched fields look like a sea of white crystals, and the best part I think is the mood in the air! Its probably the most romantic season of all! You just feel like curling your fingers into someone else's, laughing, shivering, slipping, walking together...

You feel like smiling to yourself even when the roads are completely backed up and it takes you 1 hour to do 5 miles! Of course, if you're driving a Pontiac G6 Coupe, you'll smile through rain and snow alike! No no, this isn't the car that I've finally decided to buy/bought!! It doesn't even figure in my list, not out of choice but out of helplessness! (For those interested, I've decided its going to be the Altima Coupe, if I can't get a good deal on the Pontiac that is!).. No, I just turned out to be really lucky and got a free upgrade on my car rental and so am driving around (at 30 miles/hr - ok, so what the heck, I'm still scared of sliding on the snow!) in that these days! I'm only sad that it keeps getting covered in snow and the beautiful gleaming blue color is lost inside somewhere! :(

Incidentally, while we're on the subject of snow, this is the festive season after all - I've paid my respects to the cheer by shopping (too much)... most of the stuff I've bought is not useful to anyone. I've just bought it because its the season to buy. Shucks, such a sucker for marketing! Oh, and I don't know how many of you have noticed but people can be quite nasty during this season "to be jolly", especially in parking lots! "Say bye to Santa this year miss! You're fighting with me over a stupid parking space?!!"

Anyways, getting back to why it's all worth it, its because you can spend hours and hours with friends sitting inside a coffee shop and chatting away without feeling guilty that you should be "out there", doing hiking, trekking, rafting or any such unnecessarily tedious activities! (just kidding! i'd love to go on one of these actually!)... I spent 4 hours last evening having dinner with 4 PhD students from Brown University.. we were the most odd combination of people - one Greek (Greek God, if I may add!), one German, one Japanese and one other Indian apart from me! We spoke about everything under the sun from beer-drinking Swiss cows to airhostesses on international airlines, from Starbucks marketing strategy to the appropriate BMI of a Japanese v.s the rest of the world! Of course this isn't season related, but I miss the exchange of ideas that students have here... I guess it was a real missed opportunity to not have studied in this country... where else will you find such a diverse mix of people?! And the fact that these people really exchanged ideas about important stuff! I recently met a guy who is just finishing under-grad, and he's already so knowledgeable that it makes me wonder! He spent 3 months in India last year, he's going to go biking through Asia when he graduates, and is planning to work in China after that... and his friend spent a few months in Pakistan learning Urdu and studying about Madarsas! They were teaching each other Urdu and Chinese, which was such a better use of time than talking about the latest affair of your college-mates or bitching about a professor! I think the only ideas my friends and I exchanged in college was whose nail polish was better and who was going out with whom!! (ok, so thats not true - but I'm trying to make a point!)

And lastly, I'm going out for lunch with this person I really really like! [Can't tell you guys who, though I must have mentioned him at least 3 times before! But, for the curious ones (read Zee and S) this is not a romantic involvement! :)))]

So its' all worth it, getting out in the snow.

:)

A nice cuppa coffee is what I want...

I've been meaning to blog for a few days, but there just seems to be either too much happening, or too little, both of which means that I couldn't think of what to post! My trip home was great, spent a lot of time with my family, a few close friends, watched SRK's bulging unnatural muscles, discovered that Shahid Kapur is not as kiddish looking as I used to think and can look quite "ogglable" (I know thats not a word) and lost a good amount of weight - so as to justify why apparently my friends on Facebook think I'm 'number 2 person with the best body' in my network! Lol! (And yes, I'd like to know who is number 1!) I also met one of the music directors of OSO in Mumbai, and it was nice to see that success still hasn't gone to his head! Not that I know Bollywood people too well, but I think they're basically all megalomaniacs or some such...

The funny thing about life is that it doesn't turn out the way you planned it... Take these 2 weeks that I spent at home for example.. they turned out to be the exact opposite of what I had planned... I wanted to meet this particular friend of mine, and just before I reached Delhi, he had an accident that had him bedridden for like 3 weeks.. things would have been so different had we met, makes me wonder about the timing! And I'd thought it would be the most hectic trip ever, but turned out to be the most relaxed, with no shopping and no meeting relatives!

I missed a cousin's wedding thanks to the best Indian Airlines service that just cancels flights at the last minute without offering any alternatives to the passengers! But that's just as well because that meant I could legitimately avoid all conversations that usually go like this "So, when are you getting married? Haven't found anyone in the US yet?! These days girls go after what they want, you should too! Wait, let me talk to my sister's husband's friend's nephew - very nice boy, earning lots of money, doesn't/didn't have a American or Indian gf [picture me rolling my eyes with a 'yeah right'!], and better still, he's also on the East coast - in Texas"! To which I'd reply, smiling sweetly "Thanks for your concern Auntie, but I'm not sure you're the right person to be doing any kind of match-making. Awww, don't worry about me, I'll find a nice boy myself. And Texas is at quite a (safe) distance from the East coast anyways"... hmmm.. thank God for the unreliability of Indian Airlines :)

Somethng that happened this time also made me realize that I'm such a bad liar! You know, lying requires lots of practice! For someone who is used to talking straight from the heart and usually either speaking their mind OR keeping shut (which does not tantamount to lying per se!), lying means getting caught in their own web of "oh god, what did I tell him?... oh shit, is that what I told her the last time? Damn!" - Results can be disastrous. Oh yeah. For example, someone you used to know can suddenly bump into you at the international airport lounge and have you fumbling to try to figure out what you told them the last time you spoke, and so whether you're going to Paris or to the US or to Timbuktoo - which one is the "right" answer?!

Anyways, now that I'm back, I've got enough time to think about Life, the Universe and Everything, take some time to figure out what I want (most importantly which car I want to buy) and devise ways to get my work done while avoiding walking, talking or driving in the snow. Ah, and yes, drink a nice hot cup of coffee.


Promise to be back with a more coherent and less cryptic post the next time!

Gold, Black and the whole ten yards...

There was a Pittsburgh Steelers vs Baltimore Ravens football game last night.

Now, considering I was in Pittsburgh yesterday, I was naturally supposed to show allegiance towards the Steelers and watch the game! Hmmm...

Most of you who are in the US must have asked this question - why do the Americans call the sport FOOTball, when they aren't allowed to use the lower part of their body for touching or tackling the ball at all?!! It just doesn't follow normal logic, but then that figures. But anyways, I wasn't even able to follow the game... I don't understand about 10 yards, 20 yards, tackles, etc... the only thing I know about American football is from the movies, and that is that the quarterbacks are hot (and supposedly dumb), and the touchdowns can cause mass hysteria (pretty much like a Sachin Tendulkar sixer)... but that wasn't enough to keep me engaged for 3 hours, and so I slept. And they say cricket is tough to follow! Whew!

But that's the story with me and sports. I didn't watch cricket matches back in India either. I gave cursory glances to the sports news just to know who won finally, and the only match I watched live in my life was the Indian veterans against Pakistani veterans, and only because my Dad was on the team! And this attitude is after the fact that my Dad captained his state cricket team in 1971 for the Ranjhi Trophy! Tsk Tsk. So much for passing on genes.

The only match I really remember passionately about was during the 1999 World Cup. The match was between India and Zimbabwe, and Olonga had given away like almost 30 runs in one over. My Dad and I were watching the last over, we had just 7 runs or something to make, and both of us were like "Put Olonga on, we'll win the match easily"... Zimbabwe heard us and brought Olonga on... BUT, wonder of wonders, Olonga did a goddamn hatrick in that over, and the match was over for us!!!!! I still remember that we were both so shocked that we couldn't even speak, and just went to bed quietly... we've never spoken about it again.

Thats why I was suprised that I liked Chak De India, going by the fact that I don't particularly have any fascination for sports. I remember my parents telling me to take up some sport in school, and so I spent many hours playing softball and volleyball. But that was about it. I spent a lot of my time thinking of novel excuses not to go for P.T or games, and managed pretty well for a long time!

Today, however I realized the difference between being a sportsperson and not being one, if only from the perspective of how others see you. I had a tennis racquet in my hand today while travelling back from Pittsburgh, and there is this guy behind me while boarding who asks in interest, "so, you play tennis?" with a wide smile of appreciation. And I'm like "no, it belongs to my brother and I'm just carrying it back for him since he'd left it here by mistake"... and immediately there's a change in expression from appreciation to ummm... indifference?? It was unmistakable how he seemed so disappointed that I didn't play, that I wished I had!


P.S: Am going home* (to India) this Saturday, am soooo excited!
*updated thanks to zee's comment! :))