Tip-toeing back...

It's been crazy few months. I lost all sense of time and place with the routine everyday life - work, the economy, the family, etc etc.. so many things have happened in these few months that I've been away from blogger, and yet nothing seems to have changed.

For starters, I still have my job, which is a miracle in these days! I am still in New York, still single, still happy, still loving it! The winter's over (yayay!), and spring has surprisingly done nothing for me this year... hardly like the romantic waves of sunshine which enthralled me earlier.. maybe because I was on vacation in India for most part of spring. Or maybe I am getting older and used to this (No, its definitely the former).

Anyways, it was great to meet friends and close family this time during my brief trip to India... (its always nice to be told how much weight you've lost, for example!).. and it was good to come back and find that I was missed.. Good to be moving into a better apartment soon, and good to keep up with your yearly - what do they call those - promises? (Ah! I am rusty with words now!).. Anyways, my mission for this summer is - whitewater rafting, skydiving and visiting a new city/state/country.. and one of them has already been fulfilled! Yesterday I went for my first whitewater rafting trip, and apart from witnessing massive ego clashes and much spinning around due to multiple instructions being shouted by the 3 men aboard (whilst me and the other girl with me were paddling frantically to keep the raft going straight ahead!), it went very well! There shall be more to come on that for sure!

Anyways, thought I'd keep this post short.. just trying to tip-toe my way back into blogger world... lets see how it goes...

P.S I've started to lurk (ahem, I meant catch up) on a few of my fav blogs.. will tip-toe my way into commenting as well soon...

Junk alert!!

Yes, its been a long time. For those who thought I was dead.. here's my answer - :P

But my apologies, this time I really left blogger for too long, unfortunately am not even up-to-date on some of my favourite blogs! Am sure you all missed my comments! ;)

Anyways, its been a very very hectic couple of months - I've moved into a new apartment which I've leased for one year, which means doing up the place in my own way and that means lots of shopping (yes, I'm spoilt. I live on my own.) I've also been doing a lot of volunteer work for an organization, which meant every evening after-office hours and weekends were spent in that... I've also met a whole new bunch of people who have shown me a different side of New York, which is great! And I've been doing some soul searching and deep thinking as well while my life has been a roller coaster ride! I finally bought a tv after 4 months of living on my own, but the tv is still not installed, so I continue to watch movies online on my 15 inch faithful laptop. And I continue to be oblivious to the latest and greatest news around the world, my only source of news being the captivate.com news headlines in my office elevator! (I do not spend office time surfing news websites, errr.. I really dont' get the time, don't get me wrong!).

Anyways, today was another round of shopping for the house, and I'm almost done... I only have some major items to furnish like sofa and chest of drawers, but apart from that, I'm good to go! I love this process of setting up my own place, because it brings out the years of desire I had to have to decorate my own house.. Ah, before you think it's a big house, my apartment is a small studio, but somehow, I can manage to find many things that I'd like to put in it.

Hence my post title. I've come to a point now when I've shopped so much but still dont seem to have everything. But today, I caught myself. I think every girl should have a device strapped to her fingers that beeps every time we start to buy junk things that we think we will need some day. I think it should read our thoughts too. Every time we try to rationalize an unnecessary purchase as "I'll use it some day", it should set an alarm off that will be so loud that we'll die of embarassment and will retreat from the item and go hide ourselves in the corner of the shop. Hmmm.

Because today I bought so many things that I dont need and wont be able to use right away, but could not stop myself inspite of knowing I am collecting junk! Sigh. So I thought, maybe if I had a small machine that would either send an electric pulse to my brain or simply electrocute me, then maybe I wont spend so many dollars buying unnecessary frills and save some money and have a fat bank balance.

Sigh.

On a separate note, Wednesday I am planning to join Kathak classes in the city, am so excited! Ok, now you may wonder why I learnt Salsa in Delhi and am learning Kathak in NYC. Hmmm. Tough. I think the answer is that the grass is always greener on the other side :)

On that note, I shall sign off, and this time without any promises of being regular, because whenever I do that, I find that I'm most irregular with my blogging! Btw, hope that everyone else who has disapeared on blogger also comes back now!! Haha, yes I can be very selfish :)

Dream a little dream for me...

She stood by the huge window overlooking the river... 12 floors below, men and women hurriedly stepped out of the ferry and weaved their way through the morning rush... in the distance, the symbol of freedom and liberty stood in the middle of the water, holding up her torch.. ferries and boats whizzing past, splashing a jet of water behind them, cut across the gently chopping surface of the river... on the streets below, yellow cabs honked impatiently at pedestrians who walked across the roads seemingly oblivious of the oncoming traffic... at the corner of the street, a long line of customers stood patiently waiting for their morning cup of coffee at Starbucks and Dunkin' Donuts, waiting to get started with their day, make some money, cut some deals... high heels and high power mingled comfortably with each other... the station exit spewed a continuous stream of people who all seemed to have an aim, a mission for the day... the fast pace of the office goers cut through the crisp morning air, the sunshine making its way through the skyscrapers and reaching the walkers... the newspaper stands cleared and the trash bins filled up; heels met potholes and stayed afoot without falling; everyone walked close yet no one touched the other, this was skill of staying alert and focussed... hotdog stands and coffee vendors had been up since 5 and doing great business in the rush hour... a few men and women stood on the sides and puffed and blew smoke unconcernedly into the faces of people walking past, but no one cared... people stepped over manholes with lids "Made from India", walked over construction sites and got to their 50 storey office buildings, charged up and ready to go.

This was vibrancy, this was pace, this was New York City and this was where she wanted to be. This was her dream. She had been blessed because this is what she had achieved. She stood there, 12 floors above the hustle bustle, drew a deep breath of contentment, turned around and sat at her desk, charged up and ready to go.



Been away from blogger for too long, infact for the first time, I missed a whole month!! For those of you who thought I was dead, pls don't party. Have just moved jobs and cities, it's been a rollercoaster ride settling in... I have a lot of catching up to do, but I will definitely write regularly now... been itching to write for so long! I have many desi stories to tell!

P.S My previous post was very pertinent because I started my new job 2 days after that, and wanted to know if what motivated me also motivated others.. glad to know I'm not the only one out there!!

You're my favourite... mistake...

Of late, I've been singing this song aloud in my head (I know that 'singing aloud in the head' doesn't make sense, but its' just like when people say they have voices in their head... ummm... oops... maybe I've started off on a looney note.. let's restart)...

Of late, this particular song has been running through my head - Sheryl Crow's "You're my favourite mistake"... it pops into my head at the oddest of times, like its sending me a message.. like everytime I enter Macy's! It's like - I know it's all wrong to do any more shopping, but I still just got to do it... and it's not just during Sales.. sometimes I go during a one-day sale and buy stuff that's not on sale! (Mental note to self: duh!). Although I have over-shopped and saturated myself (sigh, never thought this day would come) and to my credit, I haven't bought anything - for myself - since New Year's (except 3 formal suits which burnt a big hole in my pocket - hey, I needed those! Dont say "Yeah right!"), I do still get that irresistible urge to just buy something, anything, every time I walk into the mall.. so I've had to physically restrict my movements nowadays! :) (Actually, that may be true of a lot of things... when you get an irresistible urge to do something, the only way to stop yourself is to physically restrict yourself from doing it, because your mind won't stop you all by itself!!)

So, the song pops into my head all the time - when I am eating a nice sinful chocolate brownie sundae, when I am in a shoe shop, when I'm eating nice hot garam pakodas on a rainy/snowy day, when I'm at an electronics shop checking out a Blackberry for my next buy.. sigh!

Anyways, talking about favourites, IR tagged me (back) and the questions ask my favourite movie, song, food etc... and since I've been lagging behind in the tagging business, here goes:

Favourite movie (one you can watch again and again) and why: This has got to be a tie between DCH and Sholay... DCH for being funny yet deeply emotional and moving at the same time, and Sholay for.... the same reason! I guess it shows the kind of person I am! Lol!

Favourite song and why: This I'd have to think about, because there are many, but I think I'll have to go with 'Nothing Else Matters'... why?? Because!!!

Any quirks: Many. But the biggest quirk is probably that I can't even read, let alone write, a badly formatted document or write up or post!! It bugs the hell out of me if someone asks me to review something for them, and I find it badly formatted, and with Times New Roman font!! Hate that one!! Pls forgive my strangeness!

Favourite food: I'm not a foodie (nobody laugh), and I believe chocolates and chocolate cakes don't count as "food", they're more in the "sin" category. So, I'm going to go with what I really want to eat right now, which is fettucini alfredo pasta :)

Any strange/funny childhood belief that you have carried with you? When I was 6 years old, I watched Sholay for the first time. When Amitabh Bachhan died, I howled and cried buckets of tears because I thought that he really died! To this date, I cry whenever AB dies or cries because I feel his pain!! Lol!

Your first lesson in life: will probably be my last one as well, because I never seem to learn... and that is to never have expectations from anyone, even people very close to you, because you will always be let down, and that's life. And sometimes strangers and least known acquitances will do something for you that will change your life. That's life too.

I don't want to tag anyone in particular, but whoever wants to do this one, please go ahead!

Who can cook??

So, everyone says women should know how to cook... It's assumed that you know your pink dal from your green one, and your garam masala from, I don't know, maybe hing! And, you're supposed to know all this much much before you go to live alone in another country, especially because you're vegeterian by choice in a country where fish is considered veg food!

And ofcourse, I didn't know any of this. The closest I ever ventured into the kitchen was to make tea (and it was really good, if I may add!) for my Mom sometimes, when I was in 8th grade. Some time later, my Gran'dad decided to take matters in his own hand (because I could very easily refuse Mom when she asked me to come and make something with her and the cook) and he tried to teach me to make rotis. I made the chapati in the shape of Orissa. He gave up.

Years later, when I had started working in Delhi, the bai didn't turn up and my Mom was away, so I had to make meals through the whole weekend.. I remember I tried to make Kadi Chawal but I got the proportions all wrong for both the kadi and the chawal... so what we had was like solid kadi and watery chawal... However, I was forgiven... sigh, such an understanding family I have (except for my brother who laughed at me, nodded his head and said "Didi, who is going to marry you at this rate?!".. thankfully, he was kidding)..

But the panic button was pressed when I was about to leave for Paris. They gave me one week's notice to make arrangements, and this was obviously not enough time for me to learn to properly identify and cook pink, green, half green (damn, I still dont know the names!) dal, rice, chapati, AND sabzi! It was like information overload! So, my Mom very sweetly made a recipe book for me, which painstakingly explained how to make simple everyday food. And she knew me well enough to actually label the masala packets too, because she knew I wouldn't know the difference between chaat masala and amchur (are they the same thing?? they're not, right?!).. yes, I love my Mom and yes I also know she's pampered me!

Anyways, just because I had a recipe book and labelled food items in hand didn't mean I could start cooking right away! I had to identify the actual food in the grocery store too... and there lay the challenge - one, because I didn't recognize some of the more interesting vegetables, like louki, or ghiya (and thankfully, I didn't eat these either), and second, because the names were in French... anyways, help was sought from colleagues, not without being a laughing stock first... that done, the first day I made something, I burnt it. So I actually called my boss, who was staying at the same hotel and asked him the words I think he'll never forget "Boss, how to cook dal?!"... I think he had a fit - laughing.... he said "Maine socha team mein ladki aayegi aur humare liye khana pakayegi, lekin yahan to ulti ganga beh rahee hai!" - like I don't have anything better to do in life than cook for an entire team of hungry men (even if I knew how to)! So my boss, who is a very good cook, taught me how to make dal, curry, samosas, paranthas, pooris, chhole, rajma, kadi, round chapatis, and bhindi ki sabzi, among many others!! The poori story is funny because I didn't know how to make pooris, but decided to be nice and offer to help my (same) boss's wife in the kitchen... when I started to put dry aata on the poori to flatten it out, she sighed, looked at me squarely, and told me to go watch the movie with the guys and get out of her way in the kitchen!

From someone who knew zilch about cooking anything 3 years back, I've come a long long way - Wednesdays are usually "my day to cook" here at my aunt's place... and this Wednesday, I made shahi paneer, pulao and methi aloo ki sabzi for dinner, ALL by myself! (Ok, so I had a little help from bawarchi.com - so?!) And I knew it was really good because my cousin, who is very very finicky about the taste of food (especially when it comes to paneer) had four helpings of the shahi paneer!!

Early morning.. blues?!

I'm not an early riser by any means... 7:30 is early for me, on an average day... ofcourse on an average day I also have to make it to office in time so I wake up a whole 15 mins earlier... At my most active, I can wake up in the morning and do yoga/meditation (for half an hr, ok 15 mins), have a bath (there's a reason I'm specifying this - because I know many people who go to office without having a bath in the morning in winters, and I'm of the variety who can't step out of the house even for grocery without having one, summer or winter!), grab a toast and rush out.. At my laziest, I have a bath and rush out... Weekends are a whole different ballgame... 7:30 AM is like midnight, whether or not I was out the night before... and usually when I do wake up around 9:30 or so, it takes me ages to surface and come to normality... I mean, if I have to travel then it doesn't matter, but if I am at home, then it seems like a waste of time waking up early on a weekend!

Anyways, today I woke up at 7:30... on a Saturday! It was sacrilege! But I had to wake up "early" because my cousin was going to give her SAT and I wanted to wish her luck... I went back to bed after vaguely giving her a hug and saying something to the likeness of "Don't drink too much of that juice you're taking with you, you'll waste time going to the bathroom"!!! Tsk tsk, such sound advice from big sis.. she must really treasure me!

But I couldn't go back to sleep (which has never been a problem with me before), so for want of anything better to do, I started clearing up my room.. That done, I did my laundry, and one thing led to another and I found I was vacuuming (everyone else in the house was already awake - yeah, they're the type who wake up at 6 on weekends too.. hmmm), setting my cupboard straight, finishing a sudoku puzzle (that's my current timepass, I know I'm late to join the craze but what the hell!), AND making breakfast for everyone!! My aunt was literally staring at me the whole time, and I think she started giggling when I reached for the duster to clear the dust in the family room (there was a whole load of construction happening at home the past week, hence the dust)...

And I was done with all this by 9!

And now I have the rest of the day to do nothing! Hehehe... It feels good because on other weekends I'd also bum around, but I would know I need to finish my work and I'd start by around 11, which is LATE by the standards set in this house... It's important to note that I love cleaning, it's therapeutic for me! I've done it since I was a kid, it's actually my favourite thing to do on a Sunday morning! Only issue is that the timing is all wrong!!!

But today is great because I've been a good girl :) And I'm feeling so fresh and energetic having woken up to the early morning air, I think I'm going to go shopping! Guilt-free!There are so many more things I can pack into one day that I think this "wake up early" lecture I keep getting may actually have something to it!

So here's hoping I can wake up in good time every weekend and have more time to do stuff (read: nothing)!

The rest is still unwritten...

So it's that time of the year again when one has to take stock of what one has achieved in the year that has just flown by, and what one wants to do with the coming year... I was looking at my New Year post written on the same day last year, and am afraid of repeating myself! However, I shall conitnue for the sake of tradition...

Last year I thought I had everything figured out, I thought I knew what was going to happen almost on a month by month basis! And although I'm not usually clairvoyant (yes, sometimes I am, but that's another story), but a lot of it came pretty much true! Of course, there's always surprises, there's always hope and sometimes hopelessness, and that's what keeps up the spice in life...

But 2008 - I have no idea what it holds for me! I can't predict this year because there's no history... It's scary because of the uncertainty... it's like stepping into the dark in an unfamiliar house.. you're on your own, nothing to go by... so many possibilities and yet you don't know which one will work and which won't work... life seems like it's on an Improbability Drive, you don't know where you're going to land up finally!

And yet, I feel positive about it, or at least make myself believe that I do.. because you are what your thoughts are.

I feel inclined to do whatever I can to make the best of the times and not let years go passing by without a sense of fulfillment. And though I don't believe in New Year resolutions, I do believe that a fresh start at the beginning of the year can give you perspective (and here I've failed already, because the start of this year was anything but "fresh" for me!! Too much partying and then sleeping at 6 in the morning doesn't seem like such a good idea now)...

[I'm irritated though that my birthday and the new year come so close by.. this whole reminiscing and taking stock thing is too much pressure so close together in the year!]

And I do know that I want to do the following things for sure this year. And hopefully this published post will remind me of my own promises and kick me into action whenever I forget.

- Learn another new language, maybe Spanish this time, so that I can choose whichever option I want when calling customer service!
- Get back to singing (outside the bathroom)... oh yes, though none of you will fortunately be subjected to this torture, I plan to get back to singing... so many hours shall be spent re-discovering Sa Re Ga Ma Pa.
- Graduate from the bunny slope and be able to ski at the next level.
- Stop wearing shades of black, grey, white and brown most of the time (and for all you men out there, different shades of white DO exist!!)
- Give more time to myself instead of my job, laptop and sleep.
- Learn how to say no (because saying no to someone you don't like/isn't your friend doesn't count as much as saying no to someone you do like/is your friend)
- Travel to another new country.. ok now this is stretching it. But then maybe not.
- Somehow, just somehow be able to convey to my family how much I love them and am grateful for all they've done and sacrificed for me. And always be there for them the way they've been there for me.
- Stop crying in every emotional scene I see in a movie (recently I cried myself silly watching Taare Zameen Par - brilliant movie though!!)

Ok, I think I need to stop before I spill over to 2009!!

So, on this positive note, I'm ready to take on what 2008 holds for me, and hopefully find what I've been searching for!


Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten...
-- Natasha Bedingfield

A nice cuppa coffee is what I want...

I've been meaning to blog for a few days, but there just seems to be either too much happening, or too little, both of which means that I couldn't think of what to post! My trip home was great, spent a lot of time with my family, a few close friends, watched SRK's bulging unnatural muscles, discovered that Shahid Kapur is not as kiddish looking as I used to think and can look quite "ogglable" (I know thats not a word) and lost a good amount of weight - so as to justify why apparently my friends on Facebook think I'm 'number 2 person with the best body' in my network! Lol! (And yes, I'd like to know who is number 1!) I also met one of the music directors of OSO in Mumbai, and it was nice to see that success still hasn't gone to his head! Not that I know Bollywood people too well, but I think they're basically all megalomaniacs or some such...

The funny thing about life is that it doesn't turn out the way you planned it... Take these 2 weeks that I spent at home for example.. they turned out to be the exact opposite of what I had planned... I wanted to meet this particular friend of mine, and just before I reached Delhi, he had an accident that had him bedridden for like 3 weeks.. things would have been so different had we met, makes me wonder about the timing! And I'd thought it would be the most hectic trip ever, but turned out to be the most relaxed, with no shopping and no meeting relatives!

I missed a cousin's wedding thanks to the best Indian Airlines service that just cancels flights at the last minute without offering any alternatives to the passengers! But that's just as well because that meant I could legitimately avoid all conversations that usually go like this "So, when are you getting married? Haven't found anyone in the US yet?! These days girls go after what they want, you should too! Wait, let me talk to my sister's husband's friend's nephew - very nice boy, earning lots of money, doesn't/didn't have a American or Indian gf [picture me rolling my eyes with a 'yeah right'!], and better still, he's also on the East coast - in Texas"! To which I'd reply, smiling sweetly "Thanks for your concern Auntie, but I'm not sure you're the right person to be doing any kind of match-making. Awww, don't worry about me, I'll find a nice boy myself. And Texas is at quite a (safe) distance from the East coast anyways"... hmmm.. thank God for the unreliability of Indian Airlines :)

Somethng that happened this time also made me realize that I'm such a bad liar! You know, lying requires lots of practice! For someone who is used to talking straight from the heart and usually either speaking their mind OR keeping shut (which does not tantamount to lying per se!), lying means getting caught in their own web of "oh god, what did I tell him?... oh shit, is that what I told her the last time? Damn!" - Results can be disastrous. Oh yeah. For example, someone you used to know can suddenly bump into you at the international airport lounge and have you fumbling to try to figure out what you told them the last time you spoke, and so whether you're going to Paris or to the US or to Timbuktoo - which one is the "right" answer?!

Anyways, now that I'm back, I've got enough time to think about Life, the Universe and Everything, take some time to figure out what I want (most importantly which car I want to buy) and devise ways to get my work done while avoiding walking, talking or driving in the snow. Ah, and yes, drink a nice hot cup of coffee.


Promise to be back with a more coherent and less cryptic post the next time!

Gold, Black and the whole ten yards...

There was a Pittsburgh Steelers vs Baltimore Ravens football game last night.

Now, considering I was in Pittsburgh yesterday, I was naturally supposed to show allegiance towards the Steelers and watch the game! Hmmm...

Most of you who are in the US must have asked this question - why do the Americans call the sport FOOTball, when they aren't allowed to use the lower part of their body for touching or tackling the ball at all?!! It just doesn't follow normal logic, but then that figures. But anyways, I wasn't even able to follow the game... I don't understand about 10 yards, 20 yards, tackles, etc... the only thing I know about American football is from the movies, and that is that the quarterbacks are hot (and supposedly dumb), and the touchdowns can cause mass hysteria (pretty much like a Sachin Tendulkar sixer)... but that wasn't enough to keep me engaged for 3 hours, and so I slept. And they say cricket is tough to follow! Whew!

But that's the story with me and sports. I didn't watch cricket matches back in India either. I gave cursory glances to the sports news just to know who won finally, and the only match I watched live in my life was the Indian veterans against Pakistani veterans, and only because my Dad was on the team! And this attitude is after the fact that my Dad captained his state cricket team in 1971 for the Ranjhi Trophy! Tsk Tsk. So much for passing on genes.

The only match I really remember passionately about was during the 1999 World Cup. The match was between India and Zimbabwe, and Olonga had given away like almost 30 runs in one over. My Dad and I were watching the last over, we had just 7 runs or something to make, and both of us were like "Put Olonga on, we'll win the match easily"... Zimbabwe heard us and brought Olonga on... BUT, wonder of wonders, Olonga did a goddamn hatrick in that over, and the match was over for us!!!!! I still remember that we were both so shocked that we couldn't even speak, and just went to bed quietly... we've never spoken about it again.

Thats why I was suprised that I liked Chak De India, going by the fact that I don't particularly have any fascination for sports. I remember my parents telling me to take up some sport in school, and so I spent many hours playing softball and volleyball. But that was about it. I spent a lot of my time thinking of novel excuses not to go for P.T or games, and managed pretty well for a long time!

Today, however I realized the difference between being a sportsperson and not being one, if only from the perspective of how others see you. I had a tennis racquet in my hand today while travelling back from Pittsburgh, and there is this guy behind me while boarding who asks in interest, "so, you play tennis?" with a wide smile of appreciation. And I'm like "no, it belongs to my brother and I'm just carrying it back for him since he'd left it here by mistake"... and immediately there's a change in expression from appreciation to ummm... indifference?? It was unmistakable how he seemed so disappointed that I didn't play, that I wished I had!


P.S: Am going home* (to India) this Saturday, am soooo excited!
*updated thanks to zee's comment! :))

From Spring to Fall...

There’s a green, a faded yellow and a bright lemon. A deep maroon looks down upon me and a sudden bright red peeks out from the corner and surprises me. Sunlight falls on one and it lights up in a magnificent golden. There’s a mehndi orange, there’s a pumpkin orange and an orange the colour of mahogany furniture. They mingle easily with the tangerine yellow and the yellow the colour of corn… the rust gives way to the more assertive vermillion red, which overpowers the others… As I look out the window, there is a profusion of colours, each distinct yet existing in harmony… the number of shades on the leaves of all these trees is awe-inspiring! And even though the branches will soon be bare and look lonely, it seems as if they are enjoying the present in a celebration of colours and of life itself!

Fall is here. I moved here in Spring. I remember I wrote about spring, of hope, of blooming of life. It’s been 6 months since then. And with another milestone coming up in a week (those of you who know what it is, please treat this as a reminder that if nothing else, I want at least calls/emails!), I’ve been doing some self-analysis and have reached some conclusions… but that’s for later… What’s striking me the most right now is the mind’s ability to adapt to circumstances, situations, new places, new phases and new faces at rapid speed!

For example, I am amazed at how quickly my brain has adapted to driving on the right side of the road! In fact, the other day I was watching a Hindi movie and for a second I thought, ‘why is this guy driving on the “wrong” side of the road?’!

In 6 months, I’ve learnt to say “we” instead of “I” in office. For example, even if it was only me who worked on a document, I say “we drafted this”. This is the culture here, and I think it may be more of a CYA strategy rather than a display of teamwork, but in any case, in Rome, you got to do as the Romans!

Traveling at 85 km/h has become more the norm rather than the exception now! In fact, sometimes I have to speed up more to avoid slowing down someone behind me…

Standing in lines patiently, awaiting your turn is more pleasant now since I don’t have fat uncles or bullies who shove their way to the front of the line before me…

I’m drinking tea from a teabag, adding milk later! (God help me on this one! I’ve no idea when I got accustomed to this, but I miss the Indian chai like hell!)

I find it easier thinking in Fahrenheit than converting into Celsius and then figuring out how hot or cold it is or would be… (this may have something to do with my abominable math skills too!)

And in these 6 months, I’ve learnt that distance is a much bigger healer than time.

But, I still can’t adjust to this – how Americans have a name for every ailment that ever happened to anyone! They have a syndrome for every condition you ever thought of! The best yet is the ‘restless legs’ syndrome! And of course there’s ADD – Attention Deficit Disorder. And everyone is self-diagnosing it and shouting from the rooftop, I have ADD. I can’t concentrate on one thing for a long time. Hmmm. You need a spank, not a drug.

But I know I’ve become addicted to blogging more in these past 6 months than before as a means of expressing myself, sometimes as a means of self-discovery, sometimes for entertainment, sometimes to vent my feelings and sometimes to share my joy. And I know that you all have been with me through this ongoing journey, and I’m glad and grateful for that!

Because it’s been quite a journey, these 6 months. Quite like any other previously. It was different in Paris, different before Paris. But these 6 months have been a real mix of the good and the bad, intertwined so intricately that I can’t distinguish the good times from the bad! Which is just as well, because it means that it has all turned out good. Thank God for that.

Blessed!

As you may have guessed from my previous post, things haven't been going too well this week, and everyday something goes really wrong and I feel stressed and irritated, and like I said, provoked.

Today was one more such aggravating event... aaah, its not exactly the world's biggest emergency, but I happened to have twisted my ankle really badly and now am unable to walk around and have to be in bed nursing myself back to normalcy...

But I'll tell you why I'm not feeling aggravated, and not feeling like I'd throwing myself under a moving bus or something! (Because believe me, this stupid sprain has really bad timing!) It's because I've been blessed with these people who've taken great care of me! Thank God for small mercies!

This is how it all began.. I got off the bus this evening and was crossing the road to the other side to catch my connecting bus home.. there was a huge pothole kind of thing in the middle of the road that I didn't see and promptly, my high heeled shoes (there's just 1.5 inches!) caught in the middle of the freakin hole and my ankle twisted 180 degrees totally, and I lost my balance... luckily I managed to catch myself in time (by only some wonderful stroke of luck, due to which I wasn't looking like a total fool splayed across the road!) but I was knocked out of breath! Anyways, the pain wasn't that bad then and I managed to make small talk with the guy who came to help me... now this is very interesting... some sense of humour these people have.. I was just regaining control when this guy asks me "Are you Indian?"... I thought, fine time he's chosen to make polite conversation! But I answered yes, and he's like "Yeah... don't know how to walk in high heeled shoes, do ya?!".... !!!! Although I laughed right back at him and pointed to the offending pothole, I was bewildered by his joke! Hehehe... anyways, he's obviously not one of the people I was blessed with this evening, so lets move on...

I'm staying at a guesthouse right now, which is run by a young couple (lets call them J and D) who are really great people, very friendly and cheerful! There are other guests also, infact on Sunday we all had a barbeque and had a lot of fun talking and enjoying a nice fall day together! Anyways, I called J shortly after I realized that I couldn't walk 5 steps without getting paralyzed with pain! I explained the situation to him and requested if he can pick me up, because I just would'nt have been able to manage the walk from bus stop etc... he was so wonderful, he came right away! unfortunately I was waiting on the other side from where he parked his car, and my otherwise loud voice carried no further than 5 feet when I called out to him! He left by the time I wobbled to the other side at top speed, and then I found him 10 mins later on the side that I'd just left!! So ofcourse, more wobbling, panting, paralyzing etc took place but I didnt catch him in time... anyways, finally he called me again and picked me up, inspite of having made 3 trips from his house to the bus station already!

Back home, his wife took care of arranging dinner etc for me and making me comfortable... had the food delivered to me at the dining table, which is a rare or almost unknown thing here, especially for those not in the same family!

And then one of the guests came in... she'd been through this before, and knew exactly what to do... because there was nothing available at home right away, she walked to the nearest pharmacy and bought me an icebag and bandage, all of her own accord! Then she helped me with putting it on.... and finally, when it was time for me to go upto my room (it doesn't help that I stay on the 3rd floor!), she actually carried my laptop bag, my handbag and my shoes upstairs for me! And from nowhere, J produced a pair of crutches (he'd also sprained his ankle a few months back), and they both taught me how to use it... and slowly but steadily I hopped, skipped and jumped upstairs, and now am safely tucked into bed.. delirious because of the painkiller I was finally forced to eat, but happy to be resting!

And it makes me ever so grateful to see how much out of their way these literal strangers went for me! I am alone in this city, as in these people are not my friends in the real sense... we just met a week back! But I'm just so touched with their kindness, that I feel blessed! I consider that I could be totally alone, trying to cope with the whole thing myself (which I could do, but its miserable!)... but I have all these people to take care of me.. didn't make me miss my family for a bit, in a time of trouble!

And I thought people didn't care anymore. Misconception. Especially if you reach out for help instead of trying to do it all by yourself (I would in normal circumstances be too shy to ask for help, and would rather have taken the bus in agony than "bothered" these people).

Nice. The pain is there. But I'm not miserable. There is a God, somewhere! (everywhere!)

When I grow up...

I think I’ve mentioned before that I have a family here in the US whom I’ve been staying with these past couple of months… I have 2 cousins here, and yesterday I was having this “family bonding session” with the kids when we started talking about what they wanted to do when they grow up… Given that I am already “grown up” I wasn’t allowed to add my own dreams to the conversation, so I sat there and listened to them, all starry-eyed and full of ideas as they were, and sat back and thought about what it was like when you still had many options that you could choose from! And decided that if the kids won't listen to my dreams, you will! :))

I think my very first memories were of wanting to become a police officer! I think my parents were discussing Kiran Bedi one evening… I was so taken up by the whole idea of fighting for justice against the wrong-doers and the woman power thing that I was all in favour of becoming one hell of a dynamic police officer, fighting my way through corruption and crime and helping turn around the world, or atleast the country, or atleast my state… hehehehe, ofcourse then I grew up and realized what a distant dream this was.. and I know my parents breathed a sigh of relief…

Then later, I wanted to give my life to fighting for the environment such as the likes of Medha Patkar, working for the cause of saving this earth! My school was responsible for putting this idea into my head, no one else. They encouraged us to stop using plastic bags, taught us about recycling and biodegradable versus non-biodegradable waste, showed us how to make compost pits (many a Sunday afternoons were spent hauling wheelbarrows full of cow dung from the dairy farm near our campus and food waste from the dining hall!!) and made us aware of the possible repercussions of having MNCs take over all our indigenous industries. Oh yeah, that’s my school. And that’s way back in the 90s, when it wasn’t a “fad” to do this! And no it wasn’t brainwashing either, they didn’t force us to boycott Pepsi and Coke - we just did so, you know, being young and all adrenalin-charged like! (P.S: No we weren’t involved in the vandalizing of KFC in Bangalore, in case you were wondering)… Anyways, I still remember one time I ordered Thums Up at a restaurant while I gave my family a lecture about how Coke/Pepsi should be thrown out of the country, when my Dad politely pointed out to me that Thums Up was a Coke company product, smugly smiling as he turned the bottle so I could see that indeed it was! In time of course I realized there’s no money in fighting for the environment, so I left it at that. However, to do this dream justice, I still to this day avoid using plastic bags, don’t use the A/C so I don’t add to the ozone layer depletion directly, and always recycle whatever I can.

And the last and possibly the most passionate dream I had, and one I still think of pursuing sometime in my life, was of becoming a dancer… a full-fledged dancer in a troupe or individually, doing stages shows, going around the world performing, creating and then basking in the audience applause… dancing till it hurts, dancing till it becomes enough to live on, dancing till I reach nirvana (reference to the Sufi style of meditation)… And its this one that I can’t let go of, its this one that I truly regret not having pursued, its this one dream that nags at me every time I meet someone who has had the guts to follow their heart and be true to themselves…

So, what did you dream of becoming when you grew up?

If music be the food of life... play on!

I’m a pampered girl, I think… I’m used the good things in life like living in comfort and having access to basic amenities (defined as a stereo system, TV and a clean bathroom)… so when looking for a place to live in, I don’t mind paying a few extra bucks just for the comfort, cleanliness and niceness! My philosophy? - After all, what do we earn for?! Why do we slog our heads off the whole day if we can’t come back to enjoy a nice home? Not that I can’t live in difficult conditions, if I have no choice! And I can do so without complaining, unlike many people who crib and crib and give you a headache after a while (does not refer to anyone in particular)…

So when I moved to this new city, I decided to spend a few extra dollars to get myself a nice apartment which I can call home… and (barring the cat hair that I’ve already spoken about earlier) it turned out to be quite a delightful place! It’s clean, well furnished and has the most awesome speakers, all courtesy the girl whose rented the place to me (while she’s gone to Cornell to attend some summer conferences). It even has an A/C, which is a real blessing even this side of the seven seas and makes up for no TV… I have to dwell on the speakers for a bit though, to explain to you just how big a part music plays in my life (after all, the title of the post is related to music, so its best I come to the point soon!)…

Last Monday was one of the worst days of my life in a long time, in terms of how awfully wrong things can go and how badly Murphy’s Law can kick in… At the very outset of the day, I forgot to take my cell with me when I left for office… Then when I remembered my cell and came back home to get it, I missed the bus returning towards office... So had to call a cab, ended up spending too much money getting to office to find that I couldn’t work... My new laptop crashed at the first instance of being booted and I spent most of the day explaining the issue to tech support… In the evening, the bus was 15 min late, which is unbearable around here… Back at home, my front door refused to open, and I struggled with the rotten key for 10 min! Finally when I stomped in and settled down to heat some dinner for myself, the glass pot that I had kept on the gas plate shattered into a million pieces due to the heat and took my home-cooked dal with it! (Hey, don’t tell me the obvious… this was a Pyrex glass pot, it was supposed to withstand high temperatures!) And while I was trying to get it off the gas, the napkin got burnt and the whole kitchen smelt terrible (needless to say, both glass pot and napkin belonged to the girl who’s rented the place to me!)

So I slumped myself into the easy chair and let out a long sigh! What a day I was going through… I was scared of touching anything else in the apartment lest it falls apart! And then I happened to look at the speakers mounted on the wall in the living room… I think, oh, these speakers may be working! I quickly connected them to my mp3 player and switched them on…

And they had (still have, touchwood!) the most amazing bass ever! I’m talking about Altec speakers which can make even the most mundane sound seem unearthly! A sense of relief flooded me, like some magical Cheering Charm (yeah, I’ve caught the Harry Potter fever too!) was relaxing me and easing out my stress… I closed my eyes and let the sounds seep in, increased the volume to fill the whole apartment, unmindful of my neighbors and enjoying the moment… And I’m a great one for dancing around in the room with the music blasted… So I did just that… I pranced around the entire apartment doing my when-no-one-is-watching moves, utterly unconscious of the open blinds on my windows and possible onlookers! I totally forgot my pains of the day, the shattered glass, the lost home-cooked meal, the burnt carpet (did I mention I also burnt the carpet sometime during that day?!), etc, and was completely lost in the moment, immersed deep in the rhythms of my favorite music!

Anyhow, I’m sure this experience is not unique… so many people I know de-stress with music (though they probably don’t dance around like loonies)… But it’s only sometimes that you understand the true potential of music and its importance in your life… And since today was another one of those mindlessly-long-meetings, missing-bus-connections day when I came back home in a really bad mood, but was magically and instantly cheered up with the nicest line up of songs on the radio (seems like the host knows me so well, she’s been playing all my fav numbers!), I felt I just had to write about it…

You know, just to pay my respects!


P.S: While we’re on the topic of homes, I recently saw a sticker which read “So this is not Home Sweet Home... ADJUST!” … totally cracked me up!

From American Idol to Sa Re Ga Ma Pa!

Its the journey I was afraid I may have to take!

Let me introduce you guys to my uncle - my mom's younger brother - whom I'm seeing for the first time in 15 yrs.. so he's missed my entire teen years, the rebellion years, the formative years, the mellowing down years, the responsible years and finally the mature years (not to be confused with hair-turning-grey years).. so he's kinda missed the part of life when you form your own opinions, blossom from being influenced by your parents choice to being influenced by the latest youth icon's choice! So, he has no idea what influences have shaped my taste in music, books or tv serials!

So the thing is this, I love almost any kinda music that has a decent beat and rhythm, and doesnt sound like kitchen utensils banging against each other (so therefore we rule out hardrock)... and like any other normal person I know, I listen to both English and Hindi music, and sometimes Tamil stuff too! (courtesy having studied in a school in South India, where Roja music was preferred to be heard in Tam than Hindi).. apparently, thats not the same here, in the US! I'm not saying my cousins are desis who've never heard an English song in their lives (which btw sounds very snooty anyways!).. but they're hardly exposed to the stuff that we've been exposed to India.. I know one of my cousins doesn't know who Jim Morrison is (was).. it is a sad day this..

Anyways, getting back to the point, I was more than a little surprised when I came here to find that my kiddie cousins knew more about Saloni (forgive me Zee, but its just not the kinda stuff I'd want my 13 yr old to be watching - what with the jealousy, murder plots and wicked-looking big sisters!) than they did about me! And the family huddles around the tv every Friday (which is today, which is what prompted me to write this post) to watch Sa Re Ga Ma Pa devotedly.. and post show, an in-depth dinner-table analysis of each and every singer, judge and host is done (as if everyone's life depended on who won!)! Ok, I agree I had about the same level of devotion to watching American Idol back in Delhi.. I wouldn't miss Weds and Thurs shows if I could help it, and right till the time I came here, I was totally abreast of Antonella's bold pics, Sanjaya's mowhawk hairstyle and Simon & Ryan's little disagreements on live tv... and now when, if at all, I finally find which of the 1000 channels on tv is hosting the show, and settle down with a satisfied smile to watch the Americans fight it out, I'm faced with a barrage of opinions on how bad English music sounds coz they just seem to be shouting (which I agree they sometimes are!) and how the whole system is rotting! And after a while, I give up, turn off the show and watch safer options like 'Hannah Montana' or 'Spongebob Squarepants' (for those in India who haven't seen or heard of these shows, its ok, you haven't missed much)...

Well, its not all to say that my uncle is steeped in Indian traditions that he hasn't broken loose from in the past 20 years in Amreeka.. when it really comes right down to it, he's nothing like the traditional conservative person he jokes around to be.. but its entertaining nonetheless to have him beat down high-school proms, online chatting, rock music and kissing scenes in Hollywood movies! Not that it affects me in any way (I'm a grown up girl remember... I've already made my choices, good or bad!) - except that I'm going to be spending yet another Friday night watching Himesh Reshammiya get sentimental and shout to justify his song choices (and himself)...

So much for my journey to the "heart of the Western world"!

:))

P.S. No family members were harmed during the making of this post.

Make time to live, a little... *

Damn! Its really been a long time since I last blogged! With many a people subtly and not-so-subtly reminding me of how I am wasting their time of visiting the blog and not finding anything new, I finally decided to stop making excuses (Z's heard the most classic one - "I hate my keyboard at home, and so I prefer to spend minimum time typing anything on it!") and get down to it!

So its been a very long time and of course many many things have happened since the last time I posted my random meanderings.. not the least of the events being my going home, and discovering my ancestral roots in deep rural India, and some more..

"Home" can be best described as a small city/big town, just like any other non-metro in India.. tropical high humidity hot climate place... with LOTS of insects!! Its like a bloody breeding ground for all varieties of creepy crawly thingys! And one of these decided to attack me! No not one, a cpl of these! I mean here I am, peacefully brushing my teeth, my eyes open just a slit.. at 11 in the morning and I'm humming to myself when suddenly I find this freakin' frog just below the sink.. its poised to leap at me any moment, looking at me with this dreamy and bored expression meant to throw me off guard because it was actually very alert, studying my every move... I stifle a scream (its a flying frog for christ's sakes! I am allowed my moment of feminine outburst!) and start towards the bathroom door and it moves in the same direction... its a disgusting piece of yucky god's creation and I dont want it anywhere near me! But.. but.. there is just no escaping these creatures man! They are smart, quick and high-spirited! So it leaps at me, flies through the air.. I do some of my own flying around, jumping out of my skin and hoping out of its way too, but no.. eeeaaawwwww... it landed right on my hand and I felt my skin crawl with disgust! Oh god.. I have no idea what happened next.. its a blur... next few moments are a blur and god knows I prefer it that way!! Uuugghhh!! Hmmm... I hate these insects... !!! Why do we have to have them in this world?!! Eeaaw!! Needless to say, our helpers at home had a hard time thereafter.. made them catch and kill that little creep! Sorry if I sound heartless.. I just dont see why they should be left alive to scare innocent harmless going-about-their-work-peacefully kind of people like me!!

Anyways, with that horrifying experience behind me, I ventured into a small journey to our ancestral house in a village (this is really a village, and not just when compared to Delhi!) about 100 kms from home.. and it was lovely!! The expansive fields, abundant tree population, hills in the backdrop, the play of light and shade amongst the trees... our ancestral house... old time, vintage, charming, little bit in ruins and little bit restored... heaps of hay stacked in the large fields in front of the house, villagers living a truly natural, healthy life in the way only rural India can, untouched as it is by the fast-food fast living culture of metros... I loved every bit of it... the simplicity as well as the homeliness, the feeling of continuation, the delight of discovering the simple and interesting ways of the village... marveling at the way a small field in rural India grows food for millions of people every single day.. how this small crop here translates into food on someone's plate... I was enriched by every moment spent there!! Of course I'd seen rural life closely while in school in South India... on some weekends, our teachers used to take us to the nearby villages to familiarize us with their way of living... so this trip was not a surprise, but a very gentle and pleasant reminder... of what we may have lost in our journey towards industrialization, modernization and globalization..

So.. now I'm back in Delhi, enjoying my time back in civilisation (as some of my Delhiite friends would love to say!) before I shoot off into a whole new world..

Here's a passing thought to muse on - Can you miss someone when they're sitting right in front of you, enjoying a cuppa coffee together, talking about everything under the sun except what you really want to say? Or is it just super-sentimental me!?

* Make time to live a little
Don't let this moment slip by tonight
You never know what you are missing till you try...

-- 'Save room', John Legend

First of many...

I began 2007 on a slightly pessimistic note, apprehensive of the changes it will bring for me personally and professionally.. but one is usually afraid of the unknown.. I was afraid of the known! Well.. the mystery is beginning unravel.. the hazy shapes are beginning to take form, and the first of many tough decisions has been made - today.

We shifted into a new building at work this Monday.. I don't like the new office or my desk here, but its a change, and change is always refreshing, if not necessarily comfortable... I didn't want to leave the previous office because its where I first started working, and its been my office for the past 3 1/2 yrs! Ok, 2 yrs (not counting 1 1/2 yrs when I wasn't in Delhi).. so its got memories.. lots of them.. long coffee breaks, walks around the garden, the "parties" on the terrace where people ate samosas and watched the others dance and make fools of themselves, where the HR organised musical chairs and people ran around office chairs looking like 2nd std. kids prancing around! Its where I started with working 16 hrs a day and grew up into a "lead", implying my work hrs and work load reduced considerably... where I liked to walk up and down the labyrinth of stairs, where no one staircase was directly connected to another! Where the library was a place you could actually consider hanging out in, and where we had many "talks" in the amphitheatre and the only audible thing would be people's cellphones ringing off with different bollywood songs!

If leaving a building can cause so much "heartbreak" for me, imagine what leaving my first job can do! Ok, technically this isn't my first job, what with various summer internships etc where I got my "first salary" and blew it up on gifts! But this is my first job in a real career.. This is my first company.. and its tough... to first make the decision, and then to actually abide by it... and today is the day.. and it feels weird.. I am happy, excited, yet sad.. given that I am such an emotional fool, I do actually attach a lot of importance to the friends I've made in office, some of whom are my closest, most trusted friends.. I attach importance to my bosses, whom I have learnt a lot from, who have taught me to be patient, to manage work, to understand deadlines, to even learn office politics!! I attach importance to the respect I've earned and the pride I feel when random people from the team come to me and say "we were told u're the best person to tell us about this!"... And, there is a great amount of comfort that one develops with the people whom one has managed to stick with for more than 3 yrs! In this day and age of fast moving jobs and quick bucks, I'm one of the few people in my college batch who has actually stayed with the same company I joined with from campus! And thats coz they have given me a lot of rewards, and so thats brought out my loyalty for them! I've learnt a lot in these few yrs, and I've been lucky in getting what I wanted almost before asking for it! So, decisions like the one I have made today are not easy, but like I said earlier, 2007 isn't going to be an easy year for me!

But the first of a series of tough decisions has been made, and today is a milestone of sorts... lets see how the rest of the year unfolds!

Balance sheet..

This is the time of the year when most people are trying to make and eventually break their new year resolutions, some may have taken a moment to consider the events, personal or otherwise, past year, and some may be wondering about what the new year holds for them.. the TV/radio channels can't stop the rewinds and fast forwards and countless top 10s or 20s.. and many of us are probably swamped with the supersitition that whatever we do on the 1st will be what we do throughout the year.. so we try to pack in everything into the first day of the year, try to be at our possible best, and do as many things as we can before we fall down exhausted..

This yr, I've broken all the traditional ushering of the new year.. hell, I hardly even wished anyone happy new yr when it was 12 in the nite.. atleast, no one that mattered.. I didn't spend the whole day doing things I would like to do for the rest of the year.. I just stayed tucked in bed and watched tv the whole day! (Ok yes, I agree, I dont mind doing that for the rest of the year either if someone would just pay me for it!).. but it was too bloody cold!! (Those who live in sub-zero temps currently should not snigger, coz you survive on central heating!).. and, I didn't watch a single countdown, top ten or rewind program coz its pointless.. and I esp didn't spend any time reminiscing about the new year that has just begun..

2007..

I know what is in store for me this year.. almost month by month.. so I feel no excitement.. its not going to be a happy year, in broad terms.. its going to be tough making several decisions this year.. decisions that I/we have been conveniently procrastinating till absolutely necessary.. lives pulled apart, people I have known since the time I could have known anyone parting from us, distances increasing, people hurt.. some very concrete, real problems coming up for me, personally and professionally...

But, there is also some unknown.. some hope, I guess.. there is always hope.. and that's what makes me smile... thats what makes me wish myself a happy new yr, even if I sound pessimistic and wonder whats happy about it... 2006 has by far been one of the best yrs of my life.. actually 2005 was the best yr.. but 2006 was no less.. or may be I just have a short memory and so things, good and bad, don't linger too much in my head and overall I always think the year was pretty good!

I know I sound frightfully pessimistic in some parts of this post, and would probably scare some people into thinking there is something very wrong with me.. but it isn't so.. its just that.. oh I don't know.. I don't have to justify my posts do i?! For once, I am not putting any disclaimer.

"You look just the same!!"

Toooo many people have said that to me after seeing my snaps on Orkut!!! My classmates, juniors from school.. all seeing me after like 10 yrs!! My friends from college, even those I knew from like the 4th std!!

Is that good or bad?!! Have I stagnated, or is it great to be still looking like I'm 18?!!!

Hmmm...

Its time I hid my age!!

To quote a friend, "no one bothers when you turn either 26, 27 or 29.. when you're a woman, and single, and working.. you're just 'old'!".. hehe.. !! That thought rang through my head the whole of this Sunday, all through the glorious day which reminded me I am yet another year older, probably half my life is already over and I haven't got much to show for it!!

I spent a large part of the day chewing on that, between calls where people of course reminded me of how old I am getting and how I should be married by now (what is this Indian obsession with marriage anyway?!!)... According to my g'dad, on each birthday, one should spend 5 or 10 mins in the day to 'take stock' of where life is going, where it has gone, what we intend to do with the rest and whether we are satisfied with what we have already done with it in these last few yrs... and here many of us prefer to drink the day away, preferring to let the day go by in a daze rather than facing reality..

Was also reading someone’s blog and from there I got the idea, should I make a mental (pun intended) checklist of what I want, and what I have?

"Naaaah.. I don't want to be disappointed" - that was my first reaction..

But then I thought, why should I be disappointed? I am perfectly happy with my life as it stands today, and the way I have lived (most) of it.. This time, the grass is greener on MY side!

Sure, there are things that I still haven't done, places I haven't seen, people I haven't met but thats ok.. if I do everything now, what will I do for the rest of my life?! I count myself amongst those who have seen a lot of life, been places, had a lot of exposure.. few are lucky enough to have families which give them all the freedom they require at the given age.. so one doesn't feel like a bird flown from a cage when one moves out of their home for the first time in their life (like so so so many college kids who literally flee from home and end up misusing their new-found freedom!)... and especially for girls.. of late, I have come across many women who do not still have the freedom to make their own choices, even after having worked for a few years.. when I see that, I thank my stars that the only reaction my parents had when I told them "I am going to Paris for more than 1 yr" was "Oh cool.. now u'll learn how to cook!!"! :-)

Moreover, there is only more to see in this world, and one can never say "Oh, I've seen enough"... so there isn't any point in me sulking and thinking "my life is over".. I swear, there were times when I thought thats it.. looking good, feeling good and doing good is all a matter of only being in the twenties (initially <25).. but then as I grow older, I realise the more 'mature' one gets, the more groomed one becomes... and leading a single life is more hassle free than having 2 kids bawling near you 24 hrs a day and husband demanding attention as well! (God bless those who can manage this.. am happy for you!).. but thats just not me.. I have other dreams for myself.. and I find that people (some people atleast) get intimidated by ambititious women..

Anyways, I do realise that I am making a lot of generalisations.. but mostly I am addressing those questions which tend to bring up insecurities in someone like me.. thankfully most of my friends, men and women, do not confer to this attitude... but I have to admit I was pensive on my b'day, wondering what this year holds for me.. What was ringing through my head was that 'hiding your age' was something only your mom and her friends did! So when I realised that I better start hiding mine too, for self-preservation more than embarassment, I was like "Whoa! How old am I?!!"..

But I finally decided that it's not been bad at all, and that I still have a lot to look forward to as well.. my checklist, if I were to make it, would mostly be checked! So, the concept of 'living a fulfilling life' has not evaded me, and I am sure it won't in future either...

Cheers to that!

P.S. Pls don't ask me my age, coz I am going to finally start hiding it! But.. I am not THAT old yet either! :-))

I'd like to

Fall in love...

Its been very long. a few years maybe. since I felt that way... this morning I've been in a great mood, been humming a nice song, been smiling more than usual, been more confident that I can handle life, been more relaxed and trying not to let some things happening in my life unfaze me, eager to meet the next turn in my life, eager to meet someone to share the joy with!

I'm crazy... by evening the cynic in me will let me know that I was just dreaming this morning, and bring me back to reality, but for the moment, I'd like to fall in love.. I'd like to have a smile on my face thinking about something 'he' said (not necessarily flattery or praise of me, I am not a fool - anymore)... I'd like for us to watch a DVD at home, sitting with our arms around each other, sharing a laugh or two, playing with my hair, cribbing about how silly girls are when they get emotional in a movie and still wiping my tears when I cry at the end (which I inevitably will, no matter which movie it is!)... I'd like to take a walk, not hand in hand, but still very much together..

And the funny thing is that almost never do you get these thngs in a real relationship!! So that's why I dont want one! Its just a feeling thats in your head, the romance, the love etc etc.. when a real human being enters the picture, things are not so rosy.. which is why I'd rather be single.. but still be in love.. (how does that make sense?!!)

The thing about saying 'I'd like to' have something is that u don't need it, u just would like to have it.. if its not there, nothing is missing.. but if it is there, then its just another happy aspect to your life.. what is nice about 'growing up' (and getting rid of the idea of 'puppy love', gifts and valentines) is that you don't need someone to complete you, u're already content and u'd like to share the joy with someone, anyone, who understands why u're smiling... spread the joy u feel inside for being alive, for being blessed with so many things, for being who you are and having accepted yourself like that, for having lost weight and looking good.. hehehe.. so many reasons to smile every day, and u'd like to have someone who would 'listen to that smile' because it says so many things!!

By the time I've published this post, I'd have already gotten over my day dream, for sure.. a momentary lapse in control and u're thinking about doing ur own version of one of those romantic ads u see on tv, but I'll let myself be foolish for just one moment... imagine the walking-on-air feeling, the radiant smile and some handsome hunk too good to be true!! :-))

Hehehe... funnily enough, I'm just so happy today (for no particular reason, let me remind you) that I'd let myself think I'm Ms. Universe today, about to meet the man of my dreams!!!

(God forbid a guy really 'enters the scene' and ruins the perfect picture!! Hehehee..)